If Only You Knew
by wontbiteyou
Summary: 3 years have passed and Natsume was back. Mikan is terrified that the boy she knew had changed over the years. She hopes that now she's older, Natsume would stop looking at her as a little sister and start seeing her as a grown-up woman.
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Gakuen Alice nor any of its characters_

**If Only You Knew**

**by **_wontbiteyou_

**Chapter One**

Mikan waited for Natsume at the ferry dock. He sent a message, saying that he'd be arriving today on the afternoon boat. Mikan was nervous. It had been 3 years since she'd last seen him. She was only 15 that time, he three years older, but was already in love with him. His departure was sudden and tragic. He was her childhood friend but had moved to the city with his parents. She wasn't sure if he was still the same boy she knew 3 years ago.

Waiting there at the ferry dock didn't seem new to Mikan. She suddenly wanted to be the one who arrived instead of the one who waited. She realized that she had always been the one who was waiting.

They had known each other since they were kids. At that time, Mikan Sakura was still 6. Natsume Hyuuga's family moved in the vacant beach house beside the Sakura's house. They lived in a small village, at Washboard Point, in an island with a small population. Everybody knew everyone and newcomers were warmly welcomed. She first saw him when they arrived and immediately knew that he would be trouble. He had dark black hair and the most tantalizing crimson orbs. He was scowling the first time she saw him and wouldn't even think of saying hello to her. She thought that they would never be friends, she being a shy and timid girl, but surprisingly, they became very close.

* * *

"You know, you should really have a haircut."

Mikan, upon seeing him, immediately thought how different he looked. He now has long dark hair, reaching just above his shoulders, not like the short one he had the last time she saw him. He seemed really grown up. Mikan didn't want to look at his face. She knew he was looking at her and would just get frazzled under his stare. _Sheesh! This is Natsume, your childhood friend, _Mikan thought. _Get a hold of yourself. _

"Yeah? Well I didn't have the time. I've got a lot going on in my mind recently," Natsume said.

Mikan wanted to know what he was thinking. Natsume had always been discreet and secretive. She never knew what was in his mind. Mikan decided to look him in the face to see his expression and as expected, he was looking at her.

"What do you mean by that?" Mikan asked warily.

"Hm. I'll tell you some other time. For now, let's just go home. The ride was exhausting."

* * *

"Natsume! It's been a long time," Yuka squealed as she hugged Natsume. Yuka is Mikan's mother. She considered Natsume as a son, being best friends with Natsume's mother, Kaoru, when they moved in next door. She was also devastated when the Hyuugas suddenly left.

"We really missed you, especially little Mikan here," Yuka said jokingly.

"Mom! Seriously?!" Mikan can't believe how embarrassing her mom can get. But she does love her.

"Yeah? Well I really missed you all too. It was hard leaving home. By the way, where are Izumi and Misaki?" Natsume thought.

Izumi is Mikan's father and Misaki is Mikan's older sister. Compared to Mikan, Misaki was prettier and more outgoing, being the envy of most girls in their village and the admiration of the boys. Unsurprisingly, even Natsume's. He had confessed this to Mikan when he was 8. Misaki, though, was way older than the two of them, being 23 now. Though popular in the island, Misaki was never boastful and arrogant of what she has. She had been very friendly and down-to-earth. She was a kind sister to Mikan and never grabbed the attention of their parents. She now works as a lifeguard down at the beach.

"Izumi is at the market, buying ingredients for dinner and Misaki, well, as usual she's down at the beach. No one can get her away from her post." Yuka laughed as she said this. "By the way, stay for dinner Natsume. It would be our welcoming party for you!"

"Sure, aunt Yuka. That would be great. I'll just unpack and I'll be back for dinner."

Mikan was fretting. She can't find anything to wear for tonight. She really wants to impress Natsume, making her look like she has really matured. At 18, Mikan still doesn't know that she was just as pretty as Misaki. She worries that Natsume might still have a crush on her sister and would never notice the younger Sakura. Just before dinner, Misaki came home and saw Mikan worried in front of her closet.

"Hey, I heard Hyuuga's back in town. Is that why you're in such a fuss?" Misaki asked teasingly.

"Shut up Misaki! You know I'm not as pretty as you all dolled-up," Mikan said weakly.

"Oh you shut up Mikan! Well all know that Natsume's got his heart in a knot because of you. You're like practically together! That's why no one ever had the courage to ask you out when he was around. _And, _you are very beautiful. You just don't see it yourself. Natsume's lucky you even give him the time of day. I heard even that boy Kyouta Takahashi asked you out."

* * *

Kyouta Takahashi was the most popular and handsome guy in their school. His family was the richest in the village and owned the biggest house in the island. He dated many popular girls and would bring them to the yacht club which was the most expensive restaurant in Washboard Point. Mikan was 16 and Natsume was away. Mikan had turned into a real beauty and was suddenly noticed by the boys, including Kyouta.

Mikan was working as a waitress in the yacht club when Kyouta noticed her. She was the waitress of the table he was sitting in. He decided to add her to the list of the girls he had dated in the island.

"Hey, I didn't know you were working here," Kyouta said. That night, he was on a date with a girl.

"Uh, yeah. I just started. What will you have?" Mikan asked indifferently. Mikan paid no mind to Kyouta for she was still very much in love with Natsume.

_What Kyouta wants, he gets. _That's his motto. So, he paid no heed to her cold greeting and decided to impress her.

"I'll have the most expensive dish here. And, I'll give you a really big tip _if _you would go out on a date with me. What do you say?" Kyouta said conceitedly.

"Kyouta, you've got to be kidding! I'm way prettier than her. Plus, she's a waitress! My daddy can take us to the most expensive restaurant in the world!" His date cut off.

"Shut up will you? I'm bored now, so you can go. I'm interested in Mikan now."

"Gosh! You'll regret this! You too, Sakura. You'll pay for this humiliation!" The girl stormed off, leaving Mikan alone with Kyouta.

"I'm sorry about that. She's a real bother. So, what would it be?" Kyouta was pretty sure she'll say yes. After all, he is _the _Kyouta Takahashi. No one says no to him.

"I'm sorry but, I'm not interested. I have to get back to work," Mikan said and hurriedly left. She heard Kyouta call after her but didn't stop to turn around. As she reached the kitchen, she thought how stupid she was. There was Kyouta Takahashi, the most popular guy around and all she was thinking of was Natsume. He's not even here anymore. She doesn't even know if he'll be coming back or if he even loves her. If she continues being like this, she's sure she'll die a spinster.

* * *

Mikan went down to dinner. She decided on a scarlet dress, with a low cut but not improper. It fits her very well and was glad that she had her long brown hair cut. It suited her face well and made her look more mature. When she reached the dining area, Natsume and Misaki were already there talking like Natsume never left. Mikan felt a pang in her heart but decided to ignore it.

"Mikan, what took you so long? Our food would get cold. I'll get the chicken from the oven. You sit down and we'll start shortly," Yuka said.

Mikan sat beside Misaki and looked at Natsume. He was wearing a crisp black shirt, folded at his elbows. _He looked really good_, Mikan thought. No wonder many girls liked him. He was very handsome. Even if he wouldn't admit it, Natsume was quite popular with the girls but never dated any of them. He said that he didn't have the time. Mikan thinks that this was because of Misaki. He even probably still likes her now.

"Okay! The chicken's ready. Misaki, will you call your father in his study and tell him that dinner's ready? We're all very hungry. We can't have our most important guest waiting!" Yuka said.

As soon as Misaki left, Natsume turned to Mikan and looked at her.

"You look really great Mikan. You've grown up. I can't tease you as a little girl anymore," Natsume said.

Mikan felt giddy inside. Small compliments from Natsume mean the world to her. He rarely gave off compliments and whenever he does, Mikan treasured it. She was glad she decided to fix herself. It had been worth it.

"Thank you. You look really great too. The city's given you the looks of a very successful man. How's your job, by the way?" Mikan asked. Natsume just recently started working as an assistant in a famous sports magazine, the _Sports Daily. _Natsume's not really fond of sports but is really interested in writing. Ever since they were children, Natsume had been very talented in expressing himself through writing. He was highly praised in Washboard Point.

"My job? Well, it's a start. What I would really want to do is to write my own book but being new in the business, I'm still unknown and would have a hard time in selling it." Natsume said unhappily. Mikan knows that writing had been Natsume's first and only love. It would break him if he did not end up being a famous writer.

"Well, I hope you would get what you want someday. I know that you're excellent enough to get that." Mikan said encouragingly.

Natsume looked at Mikan. He was very happy. It really means a lot to him that Mikan's very supportive and trusting of him. He would never meet a girl like her.

"Okay! Let's start eating," Misaki said as she and Izumi entered the room.

* * *

As they finished dinner, Yuka and Izumi left to sleep. Misaki also decided to leave Natsume and Mikan to themselves for she knew that they have been wanting to talk alone all day.

As soon as they were alone, Natsume sat beside Mikan who was sitting on the couch in front of the television. Oh, how he truly missed her beside him.

"I heard Takahashi asked you on a date when I was away. I'm sure you said yes."

"Actually, I didn't. I don't like him, you know that."

"Yeah right. Every girl likes him. I'm sure even you are interested."

"How would you know? It's not like you can read my mind. Plus, I have been waiting for someone to return home." _Damn._ What was Mikan thinking?! She hopes Natsume wouldn't notice her feelings for him.

"Oh you were? Well, even if I was here, you don't need my permission to go on any dates you want."

Mikan was hurt. It was obvious with what he said that he wasn't interested in her. He never was. He always saw her as his little sister. He was still the same boy who never saw her as anything else. All her waiting was for nothing. She was certain that Natsume would never see her as a woman.

"Whatever. I knew you would say that," Mikan said quietly. The air around them suddenly felt awkward. Natsume must've felt this too and decided to leave.

"Well, it's been a great dinner. Tell aunt for me. I better get going. Goodnight Mikan."

And just like that, he left. Mikan looked at him walk home. She saw him through the window walking in his house, all alone. His parents were in the city and wouldn't be able to come because of their work. Mikan suddenly felt very tired and depressed. She thought that now that she's 18, Natsume would look at her differently. But no. There's still no difference. He's still cold towards her. She hopes that one day, she'll have the courage to move on and forget about him.

**End of Chapter One**


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Gakuen Alice nor any of its characters_

**If Only You Knew**

**by **_wontbiteyou_

**Chapter Two**

"_Hey Natsume, wait for me!" An 8-year old Mikan wailed as she stumbled behind Natsume. They were walking together towards the beach and Mikan was holding a small bucket for the crabs they were about to catch. She was scared to catch them alone so she asked Natsume to go to the beach with her. Natsume looked furious yet he agreed to come._

"_Not my fault you're slow. You better catch up with me if you don't want to be left behind."_

_Mikan hurriedly followed Natsume, scared to have a huge gap between them. As soon as they reached the beach, Mikan watched in awe as hundreds of tiny crabs staggered on the sand. It was around 12 a.m. and the moon was high. The sand glimmered delightfully. Mikan had never seen such a beautiful sight and was glad she was witnessing it with Natsume._

"_Mikan, hurry! They're about to leave," Natsume irritably pointed out as he rushed to catch the crabs. Mikan was distracted thinking how beautiful Natsume looked at the beach under the moonlight. She stared at him for a long time until she realized that the crabs were really about to leave. _

"_Oh no! Natsume, catch them! There, behind you," Mikan yelled as she tried to catch the crabs in front of her. After a few minutes, the crabs had been taken by the ocean and none were left in the sand. Natsume counted the crabs in the bucket. They were only able to catch 4 crabs. _

"_Mikan, you suck. You were the one who wanted these things but you didn't even catch one. Now they're gone." Natsume looked really pissed. He stayed up really late for this and all they got were 4._

"_I'm sorry! You know I'm not as fast as you are Natsume. You can have them if you like," Mikan replied. She looked really sorry that she disappointed him. After all, she wasn't after the crabs in the first place. She just wanted to do something fun with Natsume._

"_No thanks, you have them. I know you'll cry if you didn't have them. You're such a baby." Natsume sniggered. Seriously, he doesn't know why he even hangs out with a baby like Mikan._

"_I am so not a baby," Mikan said as she looked like she was about to cry. Natsume saw this and immediately panicked. He really doesn't like it when she cries. He decided to cheer her up to stop her from bawling her eyes out. He knows that when she starts to cry, it would be really hard to make her stop._

"_Okay, okay. I take it back. Just don't cry, ok? You look ugly when you cry." This definitely made Mikan stop. People usually say that she's beautiful, like an angel. Of course, only Natsume finds her ugly. This made Mikan sad but she stopped herself from crying in front of Natsume. She didn't want to seem upset about it._

"_You always say I'm ugly. I'm so used to it, it doesn't even bother me anymore," Mikan replied and stuck out her tongue at Natsume. _

"_Did you even hear what I said? I said you look ugly WHEN YOU CRY," Natsume blushed as he said this. _

"_Huh? So? I don't get it Natsume," Mikan replied, looking really naïve. She really didn't understand him._

"_Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Find it out yourself! I'm going home." Natsume grumpily walked away, stomping his feet on the way._

_With that, Natsume left Mikan alone on the beach, still wondering what he meant by that._

* * *

Mikan woke up feeling really tired. She couldn't sleep that night. The memory of what happened last night still keeps on repeating inside her head.

"_Even if I was here, you don't need my permission to go on any dates you want."_

Natsume can really be heartless at times. Thinking about it only hurts her head so she decided to take a quick shower and go outside to distract herself. After taking a shower, she wore a pale blue shirt with a pair of cut-off shorts and tied her hair in a high ponytail. As she went down the stairs, she ran into her mom looking really busy.

"Oh Mikan, thank goodness you're still here! Are you headed somewhere? Can I ask you to run an errand for me?" Yuka asked.

"Sure mom. What is it?"

"Can you buy some groceries for me? I'm doing something really important so I wouldn't be able to do it. It's not much, just for dinner later."

"Sure. Just give me a list and I'll be back in a while."

"Thanks Mikan. You're a huge help." Yuka scribbled some things on a piece of paper. "Here's the list."

* * *

As Mikan got outside, she checked Natsume's house for any sign of him. She hopes she wouldn't run into Natsume today. She doesn't know how she'll act around him after what happened. As she headed for the market, she thought of how Natsume had been when he was away. Did he fit in right away? Did he find new friends? Did he do well in school? Was he able to write a lot? Did he have a girlfriend? Mikan had a lot of questions going on in her head right now and the thought that he found someone makes her really sad. What if Natsume already found someone and fell in love with her? _I would never have a chance, _Mikan thought. Of course, any sane guy would prefer those city girls who wear expensive garments and had _modelesque_ figures than just a plain girl who had never been anywhere other than Washboard Point_. I'll never compare to any of them._ Mikan was so preoccupied thinking about Natsume that she didn't notice the boy headed her way.

"Hey Mikan! Where are… Oh, you look really bothered. Are you okay?"

Mikan looked up and saw that it was Ruka Nogi. Ruka used to be her classmate and now works with her at the yacht club. He is half French but had lived his whole life in Washboard Point. Mikan knew her since middle school but they only became close when they got to work together. He is a real gentleman and never fails to cheer her up.

"Huh? Oh hey Ruka. It's you. I'm fine, don't worry. Just a little preoccupied. What are you doing here?" Mikan was glad that she saw Ruka. He can distract her from thinking about Natsume.

"I'm headed to the market. I'm supposed to meet someone there. How about you?"

"I'm supposed to go there as well. I have to buy some things."

"Really?! That's great! Let's go there together. I have to show you something."

* * *

The market looked really busy today. People are rushing to the stalls before everything runs out. Washboard Point's market is quite small but everything can be found there. Mikan took out her mom's list –chicken, carrots, potatoes, oil, soy sauce and ketchup. There's not much on the list so Mikan can finish shopping quickly. Ruka searched around and immediately saw the girl he was looking for. She saw him and headed where Mikan and Ruka were.

"Hey Mikan, long time no see."

"Oh my gosh, Hotaru is that really you?!" Mikan cried as she ran and hugged Hotaru with all her might. Hotaru Imai was Mikan's only girl friend. They were both unpopular in middle school and immediately became best friends even if they had opposite personalities. While Mikan was cheerful and bubbly, Hotaru on the other hand was serious and stoic. She doesn't show much emotion except when around people she's very close to. Hotaru left Washboard Point almost at the same time as when Natsume did. Her father's company got relocated and they had to move. Hotaru, though unemotional, is Ruka's girlfriend. Others don't understand what Ruka sees in her but Mikan knows that her best friend is very thoughtful and giving to those she love.

"Yeah yeah, it is me. Now get off. You're embarrassing me." _Hotaru hasn't changed at all_, Mikan thought. Oh, how she missed her best friend.

"Aww Hotaru. You're so mean. I missed you so much! I felt really lonely when you left." Mikan cried as she held on to Hotaru, never wanting to let go.

"I missed you too dummy. My life had been very quiet when I left."

Ruka chuckled as he looked at the two girls. He knows how much her girlfriend loves Mikan. He's happy that they have each other. He also missed Hotaru. Miraculously, their long-distance relationship worked. They had been very patient with each other and endured the long time they were apart.

"Aww Hotaru. I love you too!" Mikan said this while wearing a very big smile. "Oh! Have dinner with us later. I'm sure my mom would be very glad when she sees you. You too Ruka," Mikan said, looking really ecstatic.

"Sure. We'll be there though Ruka and I have to go somewhere first. We'll see you later," Hotaru replied. "Bye Mikan. See you later," Ruka said, leaving with Hotaru.

As soon as they left, Mikan hurriedly bought everything on the list and decided to add some crabs as well. Mikan knows how much Hotaru loves crabs especially those from Washboard Point and that she's sure Hotaru missed them. As she was about to leave and head home, she saw a familiar head bobbing among the sea of people. She's sure it was Natsume's. She decided to hurry and leave immediately to avoid confronting him but unfortunately, Natsume saw her too and was immediately headed towards her direction before Mikan could even move an inch.

"Hm. What did you buy?" Natsume asked, peering at Mikan's groceries.

"Some stuff for dinner. What are you doing here?" Mikan felt really uncomfortable seeing him.

"I had a package delivered. Are you done buying? Let's go home."

"Uh, okay. By the way, Hotaru's back in town. She and Ruka are coming for dinner. You should come too."

"Hn. Okay."

Mikan knows that whenever Natsume doesn't eat with her family, he eats alone at his house. She feels really sad thinking about it. If only his parents were here with him. She hates thinking that Natsume is living in his big house all by himself.

Walking home with Natsume isn't something new for Mikan. Every day, during middle school, they walk to school and back home together. They also eat lunch at the same table. They even do their homework together. They had done almost everything together.

Natsume walked quietly beside her. Mikan looked at his face and saw that he was thinking intently about something. He doesn't even notice her staring. Mikan wants to know what he's thinking and rid him of all the problems and worries he has. Natsume had always been one who worries about others a lot. He may seem cold-hearted and insensitive to other but like Hotaru, Mikan knows who he really is – a thoughtful, considerate and selfless person. This is why she fell in love with him in the first place. Mikan knows that she would never meet anyone other than him. No matter how hard she tries, she can never get herself to like someone else. It just pains her that he doesn't feel the same way she does.

"Hey Mikan," Natsume said, suddenly breaking the silence. They were walking in a really slow pace.

"Hm? Yes?"

"I'm glad I came home. I really missed Washboard Point….. You too," Natsume looked away as he said this.

Mikan didn't know how to react or what to say to what she just heard. She just looked at Natsume and looked for any sign of teasing. Instead, Natsume just stared at her and showed one of his smiles. It was a really, really, really tiny smile but because it was from Natsume –someone who rarely smiles—Mikan was very happy inside. She just smiled back and continued to walk ahead. Mikan thought that the walks she had with Natsume are the longest yet the best ones she ever had.

* * *

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